On my bike. 2 pm.
It's 100 degrees
Beneath the Phoenix sun.
I am pedaling faster and faster
Around the Elliot-Warner Loop,
Trying to outrun You,
Trying to outrun myself.
I haven't actively listened to music
Since yesterday.
I have no desire
To finish tuning my guitar,
Or to practice "Here I Am Lord"
On the keyboard,
Or to read the documents
The bell choir director gave me to read.
Everything I touch is charged,
Wounding me -
Scripture *, devotionals, articles online,
The whole lot.
Everywhere I look is a land mine,
Sending emotional shrapnel
Through my heart.
The despair in me is so thick,
I can taste it.
I am angry, and hurt,
And feel trapped from within and without.
Although I am merely the pot,
I ask You, Potter,
Why have you made me thus?
Am I to be
A vessel for dishonorable use? **
Should a millstone be hung about me,
Dragging me to the sea's bottom? ***
I see no way out of this barren place.
ARGH, Holy Writ, get out of my head!
Leave me be!
But no, no...
Isaiah smashes through me, now, ****
And I am so messed up, God,
SO MESSED UP!
Is this the stronghold I wrote about in June
That needed tearing down?
Is this the tippity-top of that stronghold,
The mere beginning of many more
Transformations to come?...
* For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)
** Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use? (Romans 9:21)
*** And he said to his disciples, "Temptations to sin are sure to come, but woe to the one through whom they come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were cast into the sea than that he should cause one of these little ones to sin. (Luke 17:1, 2)
**** ...and let not the eunuch say,
“Behold, I am a dry tree.”
For thus says the Lord:
“To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,
who choose the things that please me
and hold fast my covenant,
I will give in my house and within my walls
a monument and a name
better than sons and daughters;
I will give them an everlasting name
that shall not be cut off. (Isaiah 56: 3b-5)
It's 100 degrees
Beneath the Phoenix sun.
I am pedaling faster and faster
Around the Elliot-Warner Loop,
Trying to outrun You,
Trying to outrun myself.
I haven't actively listened to music
Since yesterday.
I have no desire
To finish tuning my guitar,
Or to practice "Here I Am Lord"
On the keyboard,
Or to read the documents
The bell choir director gave me to read.
Everything I touch is charged,
Wounding me -
Scripture *, devotionals, articles online,
The whole lot.
Everywhere I look is a land mine,
Sending emotional shrapnel
Through my heart.
The despair in me is so thick,
I can taste it.
I am angry, and hurt,
And feel trapped from within and without.
Although I am merely the pot,
I ask You, Potter,
Why have you made me thus?
Am I to be
A vessel for dishonorable use? **
Should a millstone be hung about me,
Dragging me to the sea's bottom? ***
I see no way out of this barren place.
ARGH, Holy Writ, get out of my head!
Leave me be!
But no, no...
Isaiah smashes through me, now, ****
And I am so messed up, God,
SO MESSED UP!
Is this the stronghold I wrote about in June
That needed tearing down?
Is this the tippity-top of that stronghold,
The mere beginning of many more
Transformations to come?...
* For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)
** Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use? (Romans 9:21)
*** And he said to his disciples, "Temptations to sin are sure to come, but woe to the one through whom they come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were cast into the sea than that he should cause one of these little ones to sin. (Luke 17:1, 2)
**** ...and let not the eunuch say,
“Behold, I am a dry tree.”
For thus says the Lord:
“To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,
who choose the things that please me
and hold fast my covenant,
I will give in my house and within my walls
a monument and a name
better than sons and daughters;
I will give them an everlasting name
that shall not be cut off. (Isaiah 56: 3b-5)
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