Fresh Beginnings

Father,
Tomorrow my sister begins training
For a new job.
It is in an industry
She has never worked in before.
It is in a city
That she's only now becoming
Intimately familiar with.
It is a complete break
From everyone and everything familiar.
It is one more step
In the reconstruction of her life.

Be with her tomorrow.
Calm those nerves.
Kill her shyness.
Strengthen her mind.
Embolden her.
Make others see her potential.
Make her see her potential.

It's been a long three months
Since she relocated.
Help her wring further order
Out of the chaos
Of her disrupted life.

Allow her to look back someday and say,
"God had something better in store for me."
Allow her to glorify You, the Master Planner,
Who holds our lives
In the Palms of Your Hands...  

Breaking the Rules

Sunday morning between services.
The pastor had given a sermon
About God's Love breaking all the rules,
Defying convention and expectation,
Making the impossible possible.
I had listened, and was half-thinking about it,
When I sat down to church breakfast.

A woman sat across the table from me.
We were the only two seated there.
She was reading something on her smartphone.
I had my headphones in.
I don't even know if we made eye contact,
But I acknowledge (now) that
I was supposed to talk to her.

I got up, walked around,
Wanting the notion to leave me.
It would not.
I felt suddenly shy, exposed,
Unwilling to act on the promptings
Of the Spirit.
Someone from the preschool
Came over to talk to her,
And I took that opportunity
To make my unobtrusive exit.

All afternoon,
I was pestered by that feeling
Of work left undone.
Mission not accomplished.
It nestled in the back of my head,
Refusing to be quiet.
Evening brought the annual volunteer dinner.
The archer and I attended,
And wound up sitting together
At an empty table.
The pastor politely, jokingly suggested
That we move to another table,
So as not to appear antisocial.
He pointed to a table where he had spotted
Another choir member.
We got up, relocated,
And lo and behold,
The lady from the breakfast table
Was now dining with us.

Gracious and good Lord,
Thank you for making the way
For a second chance!

We exchanged names and other banal information
Over the course of dinner.
While on line for desserts,
I admitted to her
That I had wanted to introduce myself to her earlier,
But hadn't.
Ironically - or not really ironically, if you think about it -
She said that she'd felt the same.

Later still,
When she and her daughter were getting ready to leave,
I asked the question that had been on the tip of my tongue
For most of the day.
"Is there something
You need praying for?" I asked.
I could feel my face inflame with self-consciousness.
This is not a conversation normally engaged in
With a practical stranger!
If I'd had access to the archer's "Awkward" sign,
I surely would've flashed it up at that moment.
But my query was taken in stride,
And she and I exchanged life situations
That we each asked the other to pray for.

Father,
For the intentions that were spoken tonight...
For her new job starting tomorrow,
For her family,
And for my job transition situation,
Help us.

Lyrics to John Lennon's
"Nobody Told Me There'd Be Days Like These"
Race through my head as I type this:
"Nobody told me there'd be days like these.
Nobody told me there'd be days like these.
Strange days indeed.
Most peculiar, Momma - whoa!"

I chafe at the loss of autonomy,
And the intrusion into my deluded sense
Of self-control.
I know You can break in anywhere You choose.
I know that Your Love manifests
In crazy, unconventional, mind-blowing ways.
I know You can turn the illusion of order in my life
Upside down at a moment's notice.
Thank You for not doing it with too large of a task,
And for giving me a second shot
When I blew the first one.

I chafe because I understand
That my life is not my own,
And I wonder and worry
About what other things
You will ask me to do.

Father,
Give me courage in equal measure
To meet what You Will...

Preparation

I asked the Pastor
When did he think
They would open up
The new positions
They had mentioned
During service last week.

Summer at the earliest.

Summer.

I think about the Aussie.
I think about my team.
I think about the knowledge vacuum
Left behind if I leave.

O Lord,
Move me gently along
In the way I should go,
And take care of those
I may transition away from...

Sleepless

O Lord...
My mind is alight
With questions and concerns
About my future...
Life and work and life's work...
Near future and far future.

I know worry is pointless,
And yet I cannot still my brain.

Help me look at my life thus far
Through the lens of
All the wondrous works
You alone have wrought in it.
Remind me that You
Are orchestrating the behind-the-scenes,
And that I would be
Much better served
By going to sleep right now!...

Burnout

Lord,
I haven't asked You
To hang out with me at work
In a while.

There is a growing restlessness,
A growing frustration
With my newspaper job from afar.
I feel like information
Is slipping further and further from my reach.
I feel like the demands of the position
Are changing faster than my ability
To keep pace with them.
My aggravation is impacting me,
Sometimes clouding thought processes,
Sometimes being conveyed to others. 

I have dialogues with myself
About the fact that I haven't had a real vacation
Since 2005.
I am long overdue. 
Maybe it's just burnout,
But it feels deeper than that.

Last week,
I was going to text the Songbird
About job openings at the church.
I never did.
At Sunday's sermon,
It was revealed that the church
Was attempting to create new job opportunities.
I could feel something shift inside me.
Could it be that working for the church
Would be a next step for me?

You see all things,
And know all things.
If you want me there,
Please lead me thus.
If not,
Bring peace and contentment to my heart
So that I can continue to support
My friend the Aussie,
And the Classified Team.

Beauty From Pain

After all this has passed,
I still will remain.
After I've cried my last,
They'll be beauty from pain.
Though it won't be today,
Someday, I'll hope again.
And they'll be beauty from pain.
You will bring beauty from my pain.
"Beauty From Pain," Superchick

We're in the den,
The Anointed One and I.
We're sitting next to each other
On the couch.
Gabrielle is asleep
On the other side of me.
The fire is burning low.
I wrap a blanket around us.
Unwilling to speak,
I stare at the embers.

He and I sit for long moments
In silence.
We've been sitting like this
For several days now.

Finally, I speak.
"You know what?
I've become a big believer in
'Everything happens
For a reason.'
I've seen enough of that
During the past few years.
But I can't see that
In the death of Adalheid's nephew.
I can't see that
In this whole mourning process
And loss process
That his family must now endure.

He doesn't look at me.
He, too, is staring at the embers.

The king comes in,
And builds the fire back up.
I wonder if he senses
The Numinous presence in the den.
He leaves.
Together,
The Anointed One and I
Resume staring at the flames.

"I want to understand,
And I don't," I finally admit.

"It's not for you to understand,"
He reminds me.
"You don't see what I see
Or know what I know
About the different branchings
Of the cosmos."

I nod,
But I remain unsatisfied.

"Blanca."

I look at Him.
I see the Universe in His eyes.
I see the potentiality of all Time and Space
Hanging there.
I'm in there, I realize with a shock.
I want to look away, but don't.

"The Father understands
The grief of death's separation.
He's lost countless children
Over the millennia."
He stares back at the flames.
"He even lost His Only Begotten
For a time," He reminds me.

That thought startles me.
I hadn't thought about that before.

"Someday."
His Voice is filled with infinite promise,
Infinite love.
"Someday,
Creation will be redeemed,
Restored to unimaginable wholeness.
Death will be no more.
Hold on to that.
Exhort your loved ones to do the same."

I know He's not lying.
I know,
But still wrestle
With the questions inside myself.

"Please comfort her and her brother's family,"
I ask of Him.
It is a request of unknown, unknowable proportions.
To what extent the Anointed One can help
Largely depends on how much
They will let Him comfort them.
"Help me be there for Adalheid,"
I also ask,
A regular request uttered
In ten thousand different ways,
But much more fervently now than usual.

He nods.

I shift closer to Him on the couch.
After a moment's extended silence,
I ask,
"How many more times are we going
To sit like this together?"

He understands what I'm asking,
And shakes his head no.
"The amount of times
Is irrelevant.
Just remember that each time,
I am with you."

I put my head on His shoulder.
Together,
We stare silently at the fireplace...

The Miracle Child

Adalheid told me
That her nephew,
Who is lying in the hospital,
Was her friend's and brother's
"Miracle child."
He was the child
That she shouldn't have
Been able to conceive,
Because she'd been stricken
With Hodgkin's disease.
Yet,
She conceived,
And twenty-four years later,
That child is hanging somewhere
Between life and death.

Lord,
I'm not sure I even know
What to pray for.
But I will entreat You
On this boy's behalf
To the best of my limited knowledge.

Hezekiah called to You from his deathbed.
He cried out to You
Even after You had sent Isaiah
To proclaim his imminent death to him.
He lamented,
And called on You to remember him,
And You delivered him from the pit.
You plucked his soul
Back from the edge of Sheol. *

If it be Your Will
That this boy should not live,
Then gently take him home with You,
And end his family's and loved ones' anguish.

But...
You have it in Your Power
To pluck his soul
Back from Sheol.
You have it in Your Power
To make the swelling in his brain go down...
To make him open his eyes
And breathe on his own...
To restore him,
In the fullness of time,
To something resembling a normal life.
O Lord,
Won't You do this?

I read in the Psalms
Just a few days ago
"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." **
Precious, in this usage,
Means "costly."
If, therefore, costly, O Lord,
Then ransom the boy's soul back from death.

Some live. Some die.
We don't know why.
Those of us who trust in You
Try to encourage the rest of the world
To do the same in moments like these.

...But, Father, I have to tell You,
And I know You already know,
That in our hearts,
We are praying for
Miraculous, Divine intervention.
It doesn't always happen,
But still we pray for it,
And we're praying for a lot of it
Right now...

* Isaiah 38
**Psalms 116:15