Psalm 4:8 - A (Somewhat Defiant) Meditation

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. (Psalm 4:8)

The snarky voice
That sometimes stalks abroad in my head
Comments "Really?"
As I read this verse.

The Holy Spirit in me
Shouts at the voice of snark to
Shut up, sit down,
Because she no longer
Runs the show.

Doubt,
And every seed, every shred
Of misgiving,
Leave me!
Forever be banished
To the outer regions.
Find someone else
To torture and torment,
To dangle on a string
With half-formed, morbid daydreams
And circuitous, spiraling scenarios.

I will be at peace,
Knowing that ultimately
I am in the hands of Someone
Infinitely more Powerful,
Infinitely more Loving,
And Infinitely more Merciful
Than I can fathom in ten thousand years.
Holy Spirit,
Remind me that
Nothing is irredeemable,
That all things -
Good and bad -
Are being used
For the Lord's Holy Purposes.
Remind me that
I am safe,
Ultimately safe,
Because I am at Peace
In Him.

Oh, and Doubt,
While you're taking
A long walk off a short pier,
Leave my twin alone.
Yeah, you heard me.
HER. Leave her be.
I banish you, on her behalf!
Don't let the door hit you
As you make a hasty exit!...

Coronation

Then Pilate took Jesus and flogged him. And the soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his head and arrayed him in a purple robe. They came up to him, saying, "Hail, King of the Jews!" and struck him with their hands. (John 19:1-3)

In my mind's eye,
I see...

Holy Blood
Shed,
Hallowing the ground
As it sprays out
From beneath the whip's end...

The Crown of Thorns,
Undoing God's curse on Adam,*
Rudely thrust on Your Head...
You don't yell.
You don't freak out.
You submit, and obey,
Yielding Your Desires
To the Will of the Father.

They wrap You in Purple,
The universal color of royalty,
Not knowing that they are condemning to death
The King of the Universe,
Author of Life,
And Redeemer of the world.

They mock You,
Slapping You around,
The bullies of the world
Forever personified
In acts of violence
Against the meek and innocent.

The degradations do not end there,
But the final story
Ends in Your Triumph.

My Lord,
My King!
I cannot say that,
Had I been there,
I wouldn't have done likewise!
I cannot say that
Because I understand too well
The fickleness
Of my human heart!

My Lord,
My King...
I am beleaguered and worn
By enemies without
And enemies within.
Remind me of
The day of Your Coronation,
When Your Love triumphed
Over sin and death...
When the hour of Your Death
Heralded Eternal Life!

My Lord,
My God...
Grant that I may learn
Discernment of the Father's Will,
Submission to that Will even if
It runs contrary to my desires,
And the fortitude to stay the course,
Carrying the faithfulness that comes from
Knowing and trusting in God.

When death comes for me,
Take me into Your Kingdom,
That I may be present
At the Heavenly Coronation
Awaiting You in the Hereafter...

* Genesis 3 17-19

Twin

Lord,
The young woman
Growing into my job at the newspaper
Has a disposition so similar to mine
I laughingly call her my twin.

There is a window wide open
Between our souls.
I see her clearly,
As if looking in a mirror.
I know the thoughts that consume her,
The emotions lapping at her,
The forces that drive her,
And the half-formed, unspoken fears that gnaw at her.
I see it all, Lord,
And it startles me,
And makes me marvel
At both Your timing,
And Your sense of humor.

Last night I fell asleep,
Blogging prayer unfinished,
But the prayer ascended
And You are good,
Because today my twin
Is home from the hospital.

What began as a plea for mercy and healing,
Let it now be proclaimed
As a prayer of thanksgiving!
Thank you for bringing her home,
And letting the final diagnosis
Be less serious
Than the initial one.

Touch her with Your Healing Hands, Father.
Alleviate the pain and discomfort
Using all modes of healing,
The works of our hands in the form of medicine,
And the direct intervention of Your Hands,
Though the power of Your Agent,
Our Comforter and Helper,
The Holy Spirit.

Draw her close to You, Father,
In body and in spirit,
So that she may be touched by Your Grace,
And healed by Your Steadfast Love.

Allow us to proclaim Your Mercy
To all we meet,
To say,
"We are children
Of the Most High God,
And in His Lovingkindness,
This is what He has done for us!..."

Pogo's Prayer

Lord,
The king's mom
Has a dog named Pogo,
A Shih Tzu mix,
She loves dearly.
Pogo is in
The animal hospital,
And the vets are talking surgery.

I wasn't here
When she stopped by this morning.
Adalheid told me she was crying.
I have seen her attachment to Pogo.
I have no trouble envisioning this.

Father,
You give life to all creatures.
It is like the psalm says,
You knit us together
In our mother's womb. *
You know what ails this dog.
Help him heal, Father.
He is doggie middle-aged,
Approaching seven in a few weeks.
He has alot of years left in him.
I pray, Father,
That You grant him to enjoy them.

Guide the minds and hands of the vets
Diagnosing and possibly operating.
Help Pogo heal,
So that he can play and walk
And live out the remainder of his days
Free of pain,
Happily accompanying
The king's mom everywhere she goes.

Father,
I ask this
On behalf of the dog,
And on behalf of the king's mom
Who loves him so.
Don't devastate her.
Please.
Have mercy,
Because You are merciful,
Oh Living and Wondrous God!

* Psalm 139:13-15

In Search of... Reconciliation

"Sister,
For all the days of my life,
I will always have
Only one sister,
And that is you.

I don't want to not talk anymore.
It is silly,
And life is way too short
To carry on anger and/or resentments.

I have not been
A perfect sister or daughter,
And I have many regrets
Over the stupid things
Done and not done.
For what it is worth,
Please know that whatever I have done -
Damage that I have cause to our relationship -
It has not been done out of malice.
Lots of other thoughts and emotions
Have influenced my actions,
But never a desire
To consciously hurt or alienate you.
I want you to know that,
And believe it.

I will leave it up to you for right now
If you want to talk,
But I really do hope
That we can start talking again.
I miss you,
And despite what you think
Or how you feel,
I do love you."

The envelope is sealed.
I'm riding to the post office after work,
And sending it off.

I had to write to her.
I feel like a dam is bursting
Somewhere deep inside of me.

Lord, please...
I do not want to spend
The rest of my days
Leading a fragmented life.
I conducted myself like that
With my parents.
At the time,
And under the circumstances,
I thought that was
The only way.
I don't want to now do
The same thing with my sister.

I'm open, Lord.
I don't know if I'm ready,
But at least I'm open.
Make her receptive, Lord.
Make her feel that,
She too,
Wants to pick up the phone...

Sister in Christ

Father,
From the first moment
That the Manhattanite shook my hand,
I liked her.
"Good handshake!" I thought,
Recalling Daddy's lesson
On the importance of a strong handshake.

She and I
Spanned an enormous breadth
Of love and friendship
In the few months we physically spent together
As she worked and lived in Brooklyn.
She moved back to her North Carolina hometown
Almost four years ago,
But I can still recall
The (somewhat) controlled chaos
Of her Gravesend apartment,
And the warm welcome
That I always received there.

I remember
The night we sat parked in her car after work,
And she turned on the CD
Kingsborough Hymns
By the Park Slope offshoot of Redeemer.
The first track was
"Encompassed with Clouds of Distress."
I listened,
And it smacked me,
And I wept.
"The Lord has His hand on you!"
The Manhattanite gently told me.
Those were the most comforting words,
And boy,
Was she right!

Father,
I am distressed now,
Distressed because my friend
Sits in a North Carolina hospital,
Awaiting emergency surgery
For a perforated bowel.
Please help her!
Please heal her!
Please let the doctors find
The source of the perforation,
So that they can successfully close it.

Father.
All life and death is in Your Hands,
And I ask You
To restore the fullness of health and life
To the Manhattanite.
Anointed One,
Master Physician and Healer of bodies and souls,
Touch my friend,
To make her whole once more.
Holy Spirit,
Comfort her in triage,
Be with her and her medical team during surgery,
And facilitate healing in the hours, days, and weeks ahead.

Father,
Even though I'm on the bus,
You understand
The prostrate posture
Of my heart before You...
Hear me, O Merciful One!
Allow us to fulfill our dreams
Of shared, new memories,
Face to face,
In North Carolina,
Or Arizona...

At the Table

There's alot of eating
That transpires in the pages
Of the Bible.

"Of course," you may be thinking,
"Eating is seminal to life!"
Although that is true,
God and man share meals
From the earliest accounts.

Abraham offered food and respite
To the three strangers
Who showed up at his tent,
One of whom happened to be God.

"Let a little water be brought, and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree, while I bring a morsel of bread, that you may refresh yourselves, and after that you may pass on—since you have come to your servant." So they said, "Do as you have said." (Genesis 18: 4, 5)

Passover -
One of the first feasts instituted
By the Lord God -
Consists of a series of meals.

And you shall observe the Feast of Unleavened Bread, for on this very day I brought your hosts out of the land of Egypt. Therefore you shall observe this day, throughout your generations, as a statute forever. (Exodus 12:17)

The Last Supper -
Jesus' final meal with His friends
Prior to His Crucifixion -
Jesus broke bread and drank wine with the Twelve,
Asking them to remember Him.

And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me." And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying, "This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood. (Luke 22:19, 20)

During supper,
He instructed the Twelve
On how they should behave towards each other,
And the world.

When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, "Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. (John 13: 12-17)

Lord,
How often do You pursue us?
How often do You seek
Table fellowship with us,
The intimacy that accompanies
A good meal and a good drink
Shared with family and friends?
You invite us to Your Table,
But we shy away...

Father,
Teach us to follow
The examples of those who went before us.
Teach us that
Fellowship with You
Doesn't have to be strained or forced.
It can be as quiet
As a dinner for two...
Some good food,
Good drink,
And the warm familiarity
That rests between those
Who know each other well.

Ever invite us
To share table fellowship
With You...