Happy Ending...

Lord...
On Saturday,
I made a new friend
At the church Thrift Sale.
She was a delight
To work with.
Smart, witty, funny,
Pleasant - an overall pleasure.
She also happens to be
In her seventies.
Why, oh why, Lord,
Have I always been drawn to
And connected so well with
People so much older
Than I?

You and I know
It has been a constant
Since I was a child.
Although I have friends
Closer to myself in age,
All the friendships
That cut deep
Have been with people
Older than me.
We're not talking about
By a few years;
Usually,
It's by a few decades.

Does it all go back to
Mommie and Daddy
Who turned our home into
A variant Montessori school
With hands-on-everything learning
That accelerated my brain
From early on?
Can it be traced to
The family of my youth;
Five adults, and no other kids
In the house
Until I was six?
Does it stem from grammar school,
And the distrust I developed
For kids my own age
Who enjoyed torturing me?
Does it come from
Experiencing too much
Of life's heartaches
At too young an age?
Is it just me,
An old soul
Chronologically trapped
In the wrong era?

Lord,
You know why
I wrestle with this so.
You know how wearied I am
From burying people,
And how much I dread
The ones to come.
You know I fear
Someday finding myself
Alone.

It's not such a hard stretch
To imagine.
Last man standing,
Last candle blowing out
In the wind of
An emptied life.

Lord...

Lord?...

There is a pause
As I feel Holy Writ
Being breathed into me.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." *

Yes, I know, but -

"Why is there always a 'but'?"
(It is asked in the Aussie's voice,
And I have to laugh.)
"I know you.
I made you.
I take care of you.
Why do you worry
About what you cannot control?"

I can't help myself -

"You can.
You do not,
Because you still do not
Trust Me."

I don't answer.

"Your purpose and mission
Unfold daily.
Follow me,
ME,
Not the fears and misgivings
In your mind.
Your mind
Is still wrapped up in this world.
Your heart,
That sings songs to you
About Me -
Listen to what that is saying."

I still don't say anything.

He continues:
"You love the story.
The story of a human life.
The story of an historic building.
The story of an old nation.
The story of The Ancient of Days.
That's why you are drawn
To people and places and things
Older than you.
There are stories there,
Treasures waiting to be found
And released.
I made you thus.
Yes, it will mean suffering and loss,
But even that
Will be redeemed
In the End."

Suffering and loss.
Yeah, that.

"Look beyond that."

It's hard, God!
I'm a finite being, here!

"No..."
He doesn't say anything else.
Instead, He takes my hand,
And propels me through time,
And I see
The Beginning
And the Ending
And the Unending
That is the Undoing
Of all the tragedy, pain, and sorrow.
I am part of
This epic story,
All the way from my beginning
To my ending
That isn't really an ending,
But a different arc
Of a trajectory
That leads
To Him.
I am not alone.
I have never been,
Nor will I ever be.
It's okay
If I operate out of sync
And out of time
From everyone else.
It's okay
If people go home to Him
Ahead of me,
Because eventually,
We'll be together again.
It's okay,
The suffering
And the loss,
Because even that
Will ultimately be
Undone.

It's okay.

I'm okay.

So what if I'm
The last candle blowing out
In the wind of
An emptied life?
That's only this life,
This perishable, dying life,
And it cannot compare
To the one that someday comes...

* Philippians 4:6