Tainted

I said it before
My visit to New York,
That I had a sense of foreboding
About the trip.

I have returned to Arizona,
And feel tainted by it.

My attitude this past week
Has been characterized by
Anger, frustration, and worry...
I don't want to talk to anyone,
And I wish no one would talk to me...
Messed-up, unwholesome thoughts
Are making random appearances
In my head...
I seem unable to focus,
Unable to soak up Scripture,
Unable to properly pray...
I feel physically fatigued, drained and achy,
Wanting to sleep and sleep
To avoid life in general.

Father,
I feel like last week
Opened up a can of worms
In my thoughts.
I haven't been the same
Since my confessions to Didymus.
All the issues
I try hardest to avoid
Were laid bare,
And I thought about and remembered
Things I haven't thought about or remembered
In decades.

Re-order my mind,
Or fill me with so much of
Your Holy Presence,
That there is no room for
These circuitous, out-of control,
Destructive, self-destructive thoughts.
Calm me,
Still me
Long enough
To hear You!

I am being assailed
By the Enemy!
I cannot withstand him alone!
Come to my aid, Lord God,
And give succor
To my failing heart
In my hour of need!...

Author's Note: About two hours after posting this blog, I open up my Holy Bible app to look up a scripture verse, and am confronted with the following "Daily Verse:"

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. (1 Peter 5:8, 9)

Hmmm. Point taken!