Tora Lora Lora: A Reflection

Ma,
I miss you more than I have
Words to express.
I blinked. In a heartbeat,
You were gone.
Our world became so much darker
Without your fire, your wit,
Your strength, your goodness,
Your brains, your warmth.
We were left
To stand or fall
Without you.
The persistent question
Remains unanswered:
Will I ever see you again?

Yours is the first voice I remember,
The first words and songs
I spoke and sang.
The lyrics from Tora Lora Lora
Pursue me with their candor,
Laden with memories:
"I'd give the world
If I could see
My mother's face today."

Lord...
Why now?
Why am I grieving
After almost five years
Of her absence?
Why can't I bottle myself up,
Run from myself as I so often do?
What do You want me to do
With my mourning -
Deal with it?
Face it?
Hand it over to You?
What do You intend to do
With my mourning -
Comfort me?
Heal me?
Transform it into something else?
I don't know how to let it out.
I don't know how to let it go.
I don't know how to hand it over
And say, "Help me deal with this."

Just help me, Lord.
You know what's best.

Lord,
I do have a request.
I have heard that
When people die,
Those who have gone on ahead
Often accompany them Home.
So when I'm on my
Last walk Home,
And Jesus comes for me,
Please let Ma come for me too.
Let me see the two of them walking
Side by side
Smiling broadly
To tell me
"Come on, now, time for
The next life to begin!"