Thanksgiving week, 2005.
Mommie and I were standing in this kitchen,
In the Upstate house,
And I was trying to convince her
To stay here to celebrate the holidays.
It had been a wistful desire of hers for many years -
Just once, one year,
For us to spend Thanksgiving through January here.
"Come on, Ma," I had said,
"Let's stay.
You've always wanted to do this.
Sis and her boyfriend can come up if they want.
Let's gamble, and try it.
Who knows, we may love it!
What do you say?"
Of course,
I had ulterior motives in place.
I was slowly trying to talk my mom into relocating,
Into doing the thing she wanted to do most.
I had been offered a job at the
Times Herald-Record Newspaper,
And I was prepared to take it,
Knowing that she would stay if I did.
If only I could convince her
To pursue a course of action
That would fulfill her desires,
Instead of everyone else's all the time!
But no...
One of her daughters
Was back in Brooklyn,
And so back to Brooklyn
She and I went.
The plotting didn't exactly end there.
In January, I got a job working for
A chain of community newspapers in Brooklyn.
In September, I convinced them to let me
Work from home for an indeterminate amount of weeks,
So that I could get my mom back up here
And try convincing her again about relocating.
She passed away in October.
So much was buried along with her...
Thanksgiving week. Seven years later.
I am back at the house,
This time without Mommie,
Preparing to celebrate my first holiday here
With my sister.
Ironically enough,
That work-at-home job I had wanted so badly
Back in 2001-2003
Has morphed into my newspaper job,
The one I had resigned from
Eight months ago.
Timing is everything...
"It's okay if you want to move back to New York,"
Adalheid had said to me last weekend.
No, no, my very best friend,
You have it all wrong.
That window has come and gone.
Maybe I would've been able to do that
Prior to encountering you, and your husband,
And your wandering momma,
And your parrots and dog...
Before I had been kissed by the Arizona sun,
Or walked South Mountain,
Or lain on a blanket looking
At the southwestern night sky,
Or heard the songbird's glorious trill...
Maybe back in 2005 or 2006,
My fate to stay in New York would've been sealed -
But it is not so now.
I have been too altered, too changed
To ever be at peace here.
Although my sister's future may lie here...
Mine does not.
However...
I do sometimes sit back and wonder
About that other Blanca,
Living that Upstate, NY life...
Some lives are linear,
Traveling in a straight path from point A to point B.
Mine is like a spiral,
Ever-circling back around
To reflect on the circuitous path
Propelling me forward...
Lord God,
I feel You present in this place,
Your Hand at work in this pattern of my life.
Lead on, Creator,
And continue to unveil
My path before me...
Mommie and I were standing in this kitchen,
In the Upstate house,
And I was trying to convince her
To stay here to celebrate the holidays.
It had been a wistful desire of hers for many years -
Just once, one year,
For us to spend Thanksgiving through January here.
"Come on, Ma," I had said,
"Let's stay.
You've always wanted to do this.
Sis and her boyfriend can come up if they want.
Let's gamble, and try it.
Who knows, we may love it!
What do you say?"
Of course,
I had ulterior motives in place.
I was slowly trying to talk my mom into relocating,
Into doing the thing she wanted to do most.
I had been offered a job at the
Times Herald-Record Newspaper,
And I was prepared to take it,
Knowing that she would stay if I did.
If only I could convince her
To pursue a course of action
That would fulfill her desires,
Instead of everyone else's all the time!
But no...
One of her daughters
Was back in Brooklyn,
And so back to Brooklyn
She and I went.
The plotting didn't exactly end there.
In January, I got a job working for
A chain of community newspapers in Brooklyn.
In September, I convinced them to let me
Work from home for an indeterminate amount of weeks,
So that I could get my mom back up here
And try convincing her again about relocating.
She passed away in October.
So much was buried along with her...
Thanksgiving week. Seven years later.
I am back at the house,
This time without Mommie,
Preparing to celebrate my first holiday here
With my sister.
Ironically enough,
That work-at-home job I had wanted so badly
Back in 2001-2003
Has morphed into my newspaper job,
The one I had resigned from
Eight months ago.
Timing is everything...
"It's okay if you want to move back to New York,"
Adalheid had said to me last weekend.
No, no, my very best friend,
You have it all wrong.
That window has come and gone.
Maybe I would've been able to do that
Prior to encountering you, and your husband,
And your wandering momma,
And your parrots and dog...
Before I had been kissed by the Arizona sun,
Or walked South Mountain,
Or lain on a blanket looking
At the southwestern night sky,
Or heard the songbird's glorious trill...
Maybe back in 2005 or 2006,
My fate to stay in New York would've been sealed -
But it is not so now.
I have been too altered, too changed
To ever be at peace here.
Although my sister's future may lie here...
Mine does not.
However...
I do sometimes sit back and wonder
About that other Blanca,
Living that Upstate, NY life...
Some lives are linear,
Traveling in a straight path from point A to point B.
Mine is like a spiral,
Ever-circling back around
To reflect on the circuitous path
Propelling me forward...
Lord God,
I feel You present in this place,
Your Hand at work in this pattern of my life.
Lead on, Creator,
And continue to unveil
My path before me...
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