Beauty From Pain

After all this has passed,
I still will remain.
After I've cried my last,
They'll be beauty from pain.
Though it won't be today,
Someday, I'll hope again.
And they'll be beauty from pain.
You will bring beauty from my pain.
"Beauty From Pain," Superchick

We're in the den,
The Anointed One and I.
We're sitting next to each other
On the couch.
Gabrielle is asleep
On the other side of me.
The fire is burning low.
I wrap a blanket around us.
Unwilling to speak,
I stare at the embers.

He and I sit for long moments
In silence.
We've been sitting like this
For several days now.

Finally, I speak.
"You know what?
I've become a big believer in
'Everything happens
For a reason.'
I've seen enough of that
During the past few years.
But I can't see that
In the death of Adalheid's nephew.
I can't see that
In this whole mourning process
And loss process
That his family must now endure.

He doesn't look at me.
He, too, is staring at the embers.

The king comes in,
And builds the fire back up.
I wonder if he senses
The Numinous presence in the den.
He leaves.
Together,
The Anointed One and I
Resume staring at the flames.

"I want to understand,
And I don't," I finally admit.

"It's not for you to understand,"
He reminds me.
"You don't see what I see
Or know what I know
About the different branchings
Of the cosmos."

I nod,
But I remain unsatisfied.

"Blanca."

I look at Him.
I see the Universe in His eyes.
I see the potentiality of all Time and Space
Hanging there.
I'm in there, I realize with a shock.
I want to look away, but don't.

"The Father understands
The grief of death's separation.
He's lost countless children
Over the millennia."
He stares back at the flames.
"He even lost His Only Begotten
For a time," He reminds me.

That thought startles me.
I hadn't thought about that before.

"Someday."
His Voice is filled with infinite promise,
Infinite love.
"Someday,
Creation will be redeemed,
Restored to unimaginable wholeness.
Death will be no more.
Hold on to that.
Exhort your loved ones to do the same."

I know He's not lying.
I know,
But still wrestle
With the questions inside myself.

"Please comfort her and her brother's family,"
I ask of Him.
It is a request of unknown, unknowable proportions.
To what extent the Anointed One can help
Largely depends on how much
They will let Him comfort them.
"Help me be there for Adalheid,"
I also ask,
A regular request uttered
In ten thousand different ways,
But much more fervently now than usual.

He nods.

I shift closer to Him on the couch.
After a moment's extended silence,
I ask,
"How many more times are we going
To sit like this together?"

He understands what I'm asking,
And shakes his head no.
"The amount of times
Is irrelevant.
Just remember that each time,
I am with you."

I put my head on His shoulder.
Together,
We stare silently at the fireplace...