Into the Maelstrom

Jay Street-MetroTech train platform.
Waiting for the R train.
Like I never left Brooklyn.
Like the past six months have been
A phenomenal dream.
I left New York airspace
On March 19th...
I left Arizona airspace
On September 19th,
To return here.

My sister looks like a wraith,
A sunken, beaten-down shadow
Of her former self.
When I walked through the door yesterday,
She clung to me
Like I imagine a drowning man
Would cling to a life raft.

Lord, Lord,
Please.
I need help. I need guidance.
I have NO idea what to do here.

My aunt doesn't want to be burdened by my sister.
Her few friends all live at home with their parents,
So no "moving in with a friend" scenario
Is in the works.
Her ex-fiancé wants her out of his apartment
As soon as possible,
Knowing full well
That she can't support herself financially right now.
We still have the Upstate house,
But that seems too isolated a place
To simply dump her; then what?
She's at rock-bottom depression,
Feeling abandoned and forlorn
And a serious dose of sorry for herself.
I called her at 1 o'clock today
To tell her to get out of bed,
Feed herself and the cats.

"Don't be afraid
To pour yourself out,"
Terry had said.
But Lord,
Where does my responsibility to her end,
And my responsibility to myself begin?
What path do I carve
That lets her know that I love her
And support her,
But that allows me to live my life as well?

Father,
I have been so happy these past six months.
I feel alive inside,
Thinking about the Arizona sun,
The happiness of the people and animals,
The fullness of life being lived out
Within the Mountain View community,
And the loving friendship I have found
With the archer.
Grant that I may return there
With a peaceful conscience,
And the conviction of having made the best choices.

Is that selfish?
Is that wrong?
Am I simply looking out for number one
By saying all this?

Father,
Help me.
Help me
Help her.
Help me navigate through
This emotional maze of
Sorrow and guilt and grief and blame.
Help her get into motion,
And make smart decisions for her life.
Provide for her means and ways
To leave his apartment,
And to feel confident to resume
Normal modes of living.
Help her,
In the same gracious, miraculous ways
That You have intervened and interceded
In my life.
Uphold us,
Embrace us,
Protect us.
Make Your Presence known,
Heavenly Father,
Author Divine!