Childhood...

5:07 AM.
I am sitting in the Vegas Diner,
Alone,
Yet not alone.

Accompanying me,
Sitting across from me this morning,
Is my childhood self.

I have been avoiding my dining room
Since I moved in
Because when I moved in,
My dining room
Became the repository
Of my past.
All the items I hadn't been able
To part with -
Toys, games, puzzles, stuffed animals,
Knick-knacks, tchotchkes,
The treasures and trash of my youth -
Have been sitting in there,
Untouched,
These two and a half years.

I woke up at 2 AM,
And couldn't go back to sleep.
Just before 3,
I began cleaning.

Holidays were big in our family.
Christmas and birthdays were occasions
For many, many presents.
I relive these holidays
As I pack up
A crystal-growing kit,
A magic set,
A paper-making kit,
A Mickey Mouse gumball machine,
And countless other odds and ends.
There are many items
Kids will enjoy,
As I enjoyed them,
And I keep thinking about that
As I wipe dust off the boxes.

I was that kid who,
Because I was a pariah,
Spent alot of time at home,
Tinkering.
Microscopes and telescopes,
Magnets and erector sets,
Lego,
And more Lego...
I built,
And explored my world
From the confines of my home.
Mommie and Daddy worked hard
To fuel my brain and imagination.
They helped me retain
Remnants of my childhood
Well into my twenties,
And I am grateful for that.

My childhood self is sitting
Across from me,
Watching me eat
Scrambled eggs, hash browns,
Toast and coffee.
"You're doing the right thing,"
She reassures me.
"They gave to you in love.
Pass it along to others."

I nod, smiling.

Stuff now is merely stuff to me;
I need no further reminders
Of my parents' love,
But what about those parents
Who can't give things to their kids
Because they can't afford to?
And what about those kids
Who are have grown up too fast,
And who know better
Than to ask their parents for anything?

Lord,
Find good homes
For the toys of my youth.
Let them bring joy
To kids who urgently need it!

What is it I've been so afraid of
All this time?...
What is it I've been so possessive of?
It all seems blurry
As I think about the kids
Who will possess
Glow-in-the-dark unicorn decals,
Coloring books,
Marbles,
And teddy bears...