Safe Passage: Wave 1

Lord God and King,
On Wednesday we begin
Our trips to Arizona.
Wave 1:
Adalheid,
The wandering Momma,
And Fifi.
Accompanying them,
Providing moral and material support,
Are Peany, her son, and Snooki.

You are the Protector
Of all who sojourn.
You have compassion
On those who journey
To foreign lands.
You have preserved the lives
Of those whom You,
Directly or indirectly,
Have sent about Your Work.
Be with my friends
As they board that westbound plane.

Give peace to the wandering Momma.
Contain her confusion and troubled mind.
Give patience to Adalheid and Peany,
Patience to cope with
The wandering momma,
The birds once they arrive,
The truck once it arrives,
And the king, once he arrives!
Protect Fifi from new and strange creatures,
And from re-straining her back
As she explores her new home.
Let Peany's son find a college there,
To be close to Peany and Snooki
Once they relocate.

Lord God,
Our lives are in Your Hands.
Protect my friends
As they sojourn to a new home.
Watch over them.
Guide and comfort them.
Be ever near,
O Gracious One.
Be ever near.

Living Words

I've always been enchanted
By the art of storytelling.
My mother, the writer,
Read to me from a young age.
I would sit, enraptured,
While she read to me
From the Golden Books,
Grimm's Fairy Tales,
And the Disney Tales.
I would envision the scenes in my head,
And be transported into the story.

I've always been guilty of having
An over-active imagination.
Bursting loose at the seams,
I started writing when I was 8,
And haven't stopped since.
I discovered that there was power in words,
And I would construct
The worlds and adventures
I saw in my mind.

Now...
When I read Scripture,
The words are becoming
Alive to me,
Leaping off the pages
And dancing before my mind's eye.
At Sunday service,
When the Pastor reads the Bible passages,
I no longer read with the congregation.
Instead,
I sit
And close my eyes
And listen
Like I did when I was 3 or 4,
And in my mind's eye, I see...

Elijah carried to Heaven in the fiery chariot
Before Elisha's astonished eyes...
Samuel, hearing God's voice,
Mistakenly running to Eli's bedside,
Declaring, "Here I am"...
Adam standing in the Garden,
Fulfilling God's order to name the animals...
Jesus on the mountaintop,
Conversing with Moses and Elijah
While all his stupefied friends can utter is,
"Let's make a tent!"...

The Bible's words
Are coming alive,
Imprinting themselves
Upon me.
I dream about them at night.
I think about them during the day,
And compare them to my everyday life.

Father...
Is this supposed to happen?
Is this one of the ways
The Word becomes alive to us?

I didn't think it was possible
To feel the awe and wonder
I used to experience as a child.

How wonderful to learn
How wrong I can be!...

The Golden Note

La Traviata at BAM...
It is that instant
Before the curtain rises
When the orchestra
Sounds a singular note
In glorious unison.

I shake in my seat.
Goosebumps race across my skin.
In that note,
I hear
The harmony of the Triune God...
The pregnant promises of a Creation
Not yet redeemed...
And the siren call of My God,
Beckoning across the ages
To this current moment in Time
With me...

O Lord,
I hear you everywhere these days...
I wait for the day
You will let me sound notes
With the choirs of angels and the redeemed
Before Your Throne!

Until then,
Stoke the growing fire in my soul,
And use me to bring
Your Music
To this still-broken Creation
And all its Creatures...

Hardness of Heart

Sister,
I was six years old
When Mommie and Daddy
Brought you home.
I remember commenting to Mommie
About your then-red hair,
(That later fell out and grew back in
Dark brown)
And then-blue eyes
(That changed color,
Like the eyes of puppies and kittens,
To dark brown)
And egg-shaped head
(What did I know
About a baby's fontenelles
Back then?)

I think about these things
And remember these things
The morning after I have seen you.

Mommie was always telling me
To look after you,
Which I suppose is the way
Of parents with their oldest children.
Somewhere in my mind,
I still hear Mommie saying this to me.
The problem now is that
We are both adults,
Becoming more fixed into
The personalities
We will carry with us to eternity,
And I am the source
Of the anger and resentment
That radiates from you.

Ma,
Any suggestions
On how I can fix this?

Sister,
You feel jealous,
And resentful,
And cheated,
And nervous,
And negative
About my pending move.
The arguments you use against me,
About abandoning my family,
And not being able to find a job,
And never seeing me again,
And upheaving the pets,
And embarking on what will surely be
Another failed undertaking,
Flay my soul...

But I still want to go.

God willing, I am still going.

Do you understand nothing
About wanting a fresh start,
And jumping at the chance
Of making a much-needed life change?
Do you understand nothing
About hearing a call,
Feeling something so strongly in your bones,
That you choose to follow it?

No...
For you,
This is about Adalheid,
About a relationship you believe
Should be yours, and yours alone.
That insular mindset
Of Mommie and Daddy
Is indelibly stamped on you,
Isn't it?

You don't understand
That because Adalheid loves me -
With no strings attached,
No sentiments of what I owe her,
No punishment,
No dredging of past and present sins -
Because she loves me
In the spirit of freedom and truth
And the true freedom of being fully known
And not being rejected -
She doesn't have to use
Ploys and games and guilt
To control me,
Or bind me to her.

And because of this -
Because she has liberated me
Within the human sphere -
I gladly accompany her and hers
On this next leg of her life's journey.
I'll follow her
As long as she'll let me,
And when Death parts us,
I will pray to El-Shaddai
To reunite us in the After.

I wish
I could share these things with you.
I wish that you could see
The healing and happiness
Her friendship has brought to my life.
I wish you could
Be happy for me,
Wishing me luck,
Helping me pack,
Helping me bear the burden of emotion
As I sift through the layers of my life
And mourn for the losses.

But no...
This is not your way.
You have hardened your heart
Against me,
And I fear how this will manifest
Once I step on that westbound plane.

Father,
Soften my sister.
Make her less rigid,
Less judgmental
Of me.
You formed this family,
Calling it forth
From the blood of two continents.
You gave us each other.
Do not allow our foolishness -
Our pride, our stubbornness,
Our presumptions or our desire to strike back -
To disband the members that are left.

My whole life through,
I will always have only one sister...
Restore her to me, my God.
Bridge the distance
That she daily seeks
To drive between us,
A distance much wider
Than a plane ride
From New York to Arizona...

Up In The Air

I have never been
A fan of change.
I am a creature of habit,
And although I am quick to learn,
I am often slow to incorporate
Learned lessons into my being.

I have never been
A fan of the unexpected.
I desire to possess knowledge,
So that I can tackle
Any and all situations head-on.

I have never been
A fan of major upheaval
Probably because, in my life,
Those changes have been
Abruptly devastating,
Altering and ending lives
With the swiftness of a tornado.

The unsettled state I am in right now
Is starting to manifest
In the ratiness I am showing
My fellow humans.
I am testy, short-fused,
Over sensitive and over wrought.
My mind is plagued with misgivings
About my pending move.
I am working straight through
Until March 9th.
For my Classified Team,
I am trying to bleed my brain dry
In an effort not to leave behind
A knowledge vacuum.
I am subcontracting my second job
To my friend the Russky,
And forfeiting that much-needed pay.
My sister,
Who wants nothing to do with me
Once I leave,
Wants to ensure I give her
Money owed towards Upstate house bills.
Juliette the Pug,
Suddenly stricken with partial blindness,
Needs further, expensive diagnostic testing.
Gabrielle the Cocker
Looks as spry as ever,
But I worry about the lumps
The vet detected in her breasts,
And living with the decisions I have made
On her behalf.
I am trying to finalize
Temporary foster arrangements
For Romeo and Juliette.
I am praying and talking to God
About various friends
Walking in darkness.
I am trying to finish packing,
Discarding the detritus of my life,
Keeping what I think I will need,
Giving away what I'm not taking,
And everywhere, everywhere
Touching supercharged mementos
Of the life I had with my parents.

The Enemy assaults me
By planting doubt everywhere he can.
"You're not going to find a job
When you get out there."
"You're not going to find your own place
When you get out there."
"You actually think you're going to
Learn how to drive?"
"Your sister will truly
Never speak to you again."
"What if something happens
To your loved ones
While you're in Arizona?"

Lord, Lord!
Everything is up in the air!
Unfinished, unresolved,
Pending, anticipated,
Undecided, undetermined!
I can't cope
With these pressures,
Internal and external,
Real and imagined!

HELP!

...

He is reading this
Even as I write it.
Leaning over my shoulder,
I feel the smile on His Face.

He often smiles at me
When I am my petulant, frustrated self,
Not in a condescending way,
But in a
"Can't you trust that I have this situation
Under control?" way.

He taps on the screen,
Pointing out the title
Of this soon-to-be published blog post.
Not understanding,
My expression asks him to explain.

"And when he had said these things, as they were looking on, he was lifted up, and a cloud took him out of their sight." *

I blink.

"Up in the air. I am there too," he says
(In case I missed the point of His quote).

I nod.

"You are not in control," He reminds me.
"You never have been.
You never will be.
I assure you,
You're in very competent Hands."

And with that brief
Word of assurance,
He has nothing else to say.

I deflate,
Like a slowly-leaking balloon,
And mentally assign
All the situations
The control freak in me
Is screaming about
To Him.

Maybe
Being up in the air
Is the best place to be
After all...

* Acts 1:9 ESV

Beseeching the Master Craftsman

Lord,
What marvelous creations
Are Man and Woman,
The work of Your Hands!
Intricately crafted,
Allowing for thought, feeling, and sensation,
Allowing for communion with You!
Our mortal bodies
Temporarily house our
Immortal selves,
But because these bodies
Are (for now) made of dust,
They are subject to decay.

Lord,
Adalheid's friend
Sits in a Florida hospital,
Recovering from brain surgery.
She is not as she was
Prior to the surgery.
We beseech You
To hasten her recovery,
And restore her fully whole
To her loved ones.
We ask You to reach down
And handle her healing Yourself,
To rewire and reform
That which You created
When she was still in the womb.
O, Master Craftsman,
Heal her brain,
Her speech,
Her memory,
And any other functions
That are now impaired.

Anointed One,
The Face of the Father on earth,
You healed throughout
Your three-year earthly ministry.
You healed all who came to You.
You healed all who sought You on behalf of others.
I beseech You in this same way,
On behalf of Cindy and her loved ones.
You sustain all things.
You bind up the broken,
And the broken-hearted.
Reach down, Lord and King,
Shepherd and Sacrifice,
And heal the work of Your Hands,
To the praise and glory
Of Your Everlasting Name!

Rainbow

"I have set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth." (Genesis 9:13)

"This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all." (1 John 1:5)

Lord,
My God,
Your bow hovers in the sky,
One sign of the many truces
Between You and us.
It is a reminder
Of how You do not want
To destroy us,
Your handiwork.
Yet, what exists between
You and us
Is only a truce,
And not yet true Shalom.

So many of us
Are down here,
Fumbling in the dark,
Groping madly,
Consciously or unconsciously
Seeking a glimpse
Of Your Face!

Father,
I have a friend
Burdened by the
Spirit of Heaviness.
Her struggle has been lifelong.
I clearly see
The ravages of her life
Borne on her shoulders.
She urgently needs
Your Light.
I do not know
What forces or powers
Bind her so,
But I beg You
To illumine her!

You touched me,
And I was healed.
I know that You uphold us,
That You give us strength
In our hours of need.
You alone, Almighty One,
Could shine one tiny, dim ray
Of Your Schechinah Glory
Into her heart,
Eradicating this darkness
That devours her.
You alone, O Lord,
Could do this.
Won't You?

If You will not ravish her
Immediately with your light,
Please declare a truce.
Let Your bow hang in the air
Between You and her,
A sign of Your faithfulness
To all who earnestly seek You...
A sign of possibility,
Of a glorious future
That will eclipse this present darkness.

Father,
I humbly ask You
To release my friend
From the bonds of despair
Enveloping her.
Allow me to bring
Comfort and hope to her spirit
As your emissary,
A child of the Living God.
Grant me wisdom,
And courage,
And patience,
And kindness,
And all other necessities
To divert her course of action.

Protect us.
Heal us.
Do battle against
The forces of evil
That oppress us.
Guide us, Abba,
Ever closer to You,
And overcome the griefs
Of our spent souls...