Behind the Dam

God,
It began at 3 am yesterday.
Gabrielle went on the floor in the kitchen.
Asleep in the den,
I heard noise and came upstairs
To see what was going on.
The king started yelling at me
As soon as he saw me.
Riled, I didn't go back to sleep right away.
I understand that he was upset,
But screaming at someone who just woke up
Is a bit much.

I was pissed at him all day.  
I avoided him at every turn.
I was angry, wanted to say:
"Why did you scream at me?
Am I the one who shit on your kitchen floor?
Just tell me that you want the dog walked
Before I go to bed. 
Why are you yelling,
Always yelling???"

I went to the prayer group at Mountain View,
And could feel You taking
My anger and frustration,
About that and other things,
Away from me.

And I was fine until this morning,
When it began all over again,
But worse. 
More extended screaming.

I can feel the resentments
Like raging floodwaters rising behind a dam,
About to break.
Dude,
What on earth gives you the idea,
That you can talk to me like that?
Just because I live in your house
You feel that you can address me
Like I'm an asshole or a piece of shit?
The only time you're nice to me
Is when you need me for my usefulness,
Like buying good seats for your mom's tickets.
Are your fingers broken?
Do you know how to use a computer?
The next time do it yourself!
You want to know why you get tuned out
When you have something to say
About what goes on in the household?
Because you don't know any other way to do it
Than through screaming,
And after a while,
People can't take that anymore.
They're not going to hear what you're saying,
Because all they'll hear
Is the sound of their blood boiling in their ears
As you make their blood pressure go sky high!
You yell and you yell and you yell even when you're talking!
It's amazing that you've gone through life
Without having the crap kicked out of you
A dozen times already!
Maybe that's why
You surround yourself with women,
Because if you talked to another man
Like you talk to us,
He'd knock your friggen block off!

Oh, and
"You drink too much coffee."
Yeah? Well, you drink too much Gatorade!
Go restock the refrigerator by yourself
After you've consumed 128 ounces of the shit,
Instead of taking for granted the fact
That Adalheid and I will do it for you!

Father,
You're big enough
To absorb my rage.
Please do so.
And God,
Here's what I'm going to pray.
I'm going to pray that You give me the ability
To keep my mouth shut
And not cause further discord.
I'm going to pray that You wipe out
The passive-aggressive thoughts in my brain
Because I am SOOOO angry,
I want to lash out at him.
Bind me 'round;
Prevent me from harming him,
In word or in deed.
Prevent me from pouring forth
All the thoughts and sentiments that want to spill out, like,
"You don't pick up your dog's shit,
You don't know how to feed your dog,
You don't know how to medicate your dog,
And you're going to rail me about
Me not taking care of my dog?"

Lastly, God,
I'm going to pray that You change
The king's disposition.
If you don't,
And You call Adalheid Home before him,
He's going to find himself
A miserable, bitter old man,
Living in a house full of memories,
Wondering why he is so alone...