Enemy Mine

Lord,
I'm coming to You
With how I feel about
Adalheid's long-time friend
Who's planning to relocate here.

I'm coming to You
Because I'm asking You to
Absolve me of my thought-sins
Concerning this person,
And absorb the anger
That I still feel towards her.

In the Psalms,
The Psalmists repeatedly come to You
With how they feel
About their enemies.
Philip Yancey notes,
"As the books of Job, Jeremiah, and Habakkuk clearly show, God has a high threshold of tolerance for what is appropriate to say in prayer. God can 'handle' my unsuppressed rage. I may well find that my vindictive feelings need God's correction - but only by taking those feelings to God will I have the opportunity for correction and healing." *

Well, then...
Here goes.

I feel violated
By her unprovoked, verbal assault.
How dare she
Talk to me -
No, wait, SCREAM at me
Like that???

I feel enraged
By the accusation
Of willfully neglecting her dog,
Which served as the tinder spark
For her two-day tirade against me.

I feel stupid
For the many times my naive self
Repeatedly commented about
How good it would be
For her to relocate to Arizona,
Not knowing that she was here
For that first month
Helping Adalheid and the king
Set up the house,
All the while commenting about
How much she thought
I disliked her.
Reverse psychology at its finest -
She, in fact,
Does not like me.

I feel insulted
By her accusations of
My being a freeloader,
As though I had invited myself
To relocate to Arizona,
And it hadn't been a joint decision
Of Adalheid and the king
To ask me...
As if I have no love and concern
For the people and creatures
I now consider family.

I feel stunned and stupefied
By her insistence that
She's protecting Adalheid from me.
Because I'm going to ... what?
Hurt someone?
Pluck a bird bald, perhaps?
My thoughts for my future involvement
With Adalheid and her family
Revolve around my ability to
Take care of people and pets
In the long years ahead,
And what steps and lifestyle choices
I must make
Regarding that.
Oh yeah,
I'm plotting.
Here comes Blanca,
Evil plotter extraordinaire!!!

I feel that old, familiar nauseous way,
When I knew someone was scrutinizing me
For my - what? - oddness?...
My inability to fit in to
Normal, regular, everyday life?
I don't know what word to use,
But the one she used to describe me
Probably fits best:
"Weirdo."
I want to shout at her,
"Okay, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell business is it of yours?
Who are you
To judge me?"

I feel bottled up and tense
Every time I realize
That there soon won't be 2100+
Miles between us.
Avoidance and escape plans and routes
Are already forming
In my mind.

Father,
As You can hear,
I'm really bent out of shape about this.
The enmity I feel is tangible, palpable!
Yet,
I am forced to remember
That I still talking about
A member of the human race,
And as such,
A creature fashioned in
Your form and likeness,
An eternal being.
I am also forced to remember
Words by Dietrich Bonhoeffer,
Of which I cannot remember the quote source,
But I remember the gist of it:
As Christians,
We now interact with each other
Through the veil of Christ.
Discipleship to Him means
Viewing all those around us
Through first His eyes, not ours.
And of course,
The Teacher himself
Instructs us to love our enemies. **
Surrendering Himself on the Cross,
He asked You to forgive everyone -
His enemies who had handed him over to death,
And His friends who had abandoned Him to that fate.

[Huge, audible sigh
Inserted here.]

Lord God,
Kindly remember that
From dust I was fashioned,
And to dust I shall return.
I don't wish harm on Adalheid's friend.
I ask that You keep us
Away from each other,
Until such time that
We can treat each other civilly.
If that time never comes,
Don't allow me to be
Embroiled in an argument with her.
I don't know if I posses the restraint
To protect myself without hurting her,
And I'd rather not find out.
But ultimately, Father,
Take these feelings away from me.
I don't want them.
They do me no good.
Only evil will come of them,
And I recognize that.
Fill me with Your Love.
Empower me with the ability
To forgive and forget
With the same lavishness
As You have extended to me...

* Excerpted from The Bible Jesus Read
** Luke 6:35-36