Music Ministry

In a sermon from several years back,

Tim Keller said that,

After praying,

Singing is the second most-commanded action

In the Bible. 

I've been on the Search Committee since July. 

We have two final candidates selected. 

We are weary from the process. 

We seek a definitive Music Ministry leader.

Lord,

Guide the pastors 

So that they wisely choose

Who next shall lead us in musical worship. 

Help me support the ministry,

Despite my reservations over the leadership,

Whomever it ultimately is. 

Bless the music ministry here so that we,

In turn,

May sing of Your Goodness,

Your Mercy,

And above all,

Your Love

For this creation

That eagerly awaits its redemption...

Obedience

...though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered... (Hebrews 5:8)

If He had to learn obedience, 

And He was the Son,

How much moreso must I?...

...for our God is a consuming fire. (Hebrews 12:29)

Indeed! 

He consumes everything in His wake,

Even my justifications,

Even my emotions,

Even my heart's desires! 

Ah, fearsome ember, 

Will you grow? 

What and who will you consume next? 

Healing Supplications

In New York. 

Drained and spent. 

Waiting, waiting. 

My sister's test results,

God willing, 

Come back today. 

Father,

Whatever the next few hours hold,

You know all.

Help her,

Help me,

Help her boyfriend

And his family who have been

So supportive and kind. 

Heal her, Father, please. 

Heal the disease in her lung.

Make her whole, 

And healthy. 

Life can change in a moment.

Strengthen us to face

Whatever now comes her way. 

Tears

O Lord, rebuke me not in thine anger, neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure. Have mercy upon me, O Lord; for I am weak: O Lord, heal me; for my bones are vexed. My soul is also sore vexed: but thou, O Lord, how long? Return, O Lord, deliver my soul: oh save me for thy mercies' sake. (Psalms 6:1-4)

The Aussie best summed it up

When we were speaking earlier in the week. 

She said,

"I feel that sometimes,

You want to go into a room

And scream and smash things."

Ah, how right she was!

That course of action

Is not an option. 

Lord,

People often view crying

As a sign of weakness. 

They think that, if you cry,

You're letting your emotions

Get the better of you. 

They think that you're not strong enough

To cope with the problems and perils

The universe throws your way. 

They couldn't be more wrong.

My tears mean,

"I am so messed up

Over this or that situation,

But despite that,

I must endure. 

My God will uphold me."

My tears mean that,

Despite the world's criticisms and judgments,

I will try to do

The right thing,

Even if all is lost. 

My tears mean that 

I know it's hard,

But I will do my best

To not be angry or upset or afraid,

For the sake of my loved ones. 

I offer my tears up to You,

My Lord God and King! 

Transform them into

Waters of patience,

And kindness,

And gentleness,

And steadfastness.

Hold me,

Hold me,

Most Merciful Father,

Please...

Relief / Release

Father,
A dam burst forth
Inside of me yesterday.

Purposeful omissions
Were thrown into
The light of day.

My unspoken fears and misgivings
Did not even closely resemble
The reality I was presented with.

I am so grateful
For the outcome.
I am so thankful
For the grace and gentleness
That embraced me.

What is it about me
That seeks to conceal and hide
Portions of my life?
Why do I think
I will cause outrageous offense,
And hurt,
And strife?

I'm still learning to live
An unfragmented life.
Help me, Father,
To learn to be unafraid...

Lies are the tools
Of the enemy's camp.
Strengthen me
To speak the truth... 

Dry

For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)

O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me...Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? (Psalms 139:1, 7)

In this wasteland

I pray for rain,

For living waters to quench

The dryness of my spirit. 

Conscious of sin,

I shrink from You, 

Evidenced by shallow prayers,

Lack of peace,

Restlessness, anxiety, 

And avoidance of Your Word. 

Stupid human! 

Where do I think I will go

And not encounter You?

You are the only cure for my dis-ease,

O Fountain of Living Waters!... 

The Last Car Ride

Lord,
Three weeks ago yesterday
I took my last car ride
With Gabrielle.

I sat in the back seat
Of Adalheid's Odyssey
And thought about all the rides
We had shared together.
Trips Upstate
With my mother, sister, and I.
Trips Upstate then
With my sister, her ex-boyfriend, and I.
On a plane with me
To Arizona.
Trips in Adalheid's car,
And the archer's car,
Sometimes riding around
For the simple joy
Of riding around.

Being in that vet's office,
I wanted nothing more than to
Run and hide.
But I stayed - we stayed -
Adalheid, the archer, and I -
We stayed as Gabrielle's soul life
Returned to her maker,
To You.

O Lord,
I have sat with bottled grief
These three weeks,
But cannot restrain it any longer.
I weep.
I mourn.
I miss my loving, funny, impish, loyal companion
Of eleven years.

Creeping doubts over her
Niggle at me.
I question my judgment,
My decisions,
My self
On a regular basis.
Take from me the thoughts and fears
That I didn't do enough,
That I never do enough.

Father,
Help me
So that I may be able
To speak fondly and lovingly of Gabrielle
Without the telltale
Lump in my throat.

I know that she is one
In a string of losses
That stretches back to
When I was six years old.
I will always be
An animal person,
And will always taste
The bittersweet fruit
Of these loves and losses.

Have mercy upon me, O Lord, for I am in trouble: mine eye is consumed with grief, yea, my soul and my belly. (Psalms 31:9 KJV)